‘Some people grumble because roses have thorns. Be thankful instead thorns have roses.’ The first group are those whose outlook picks out the pricks – trade mark of a typical grouse, who inexplicably chooses to be a grumpy character. The latter take an optimistic view — seeing an aerial rope-way (rose) across a minefield (thorns). Thinking the other guy is better placed / rating oneself poor because expected result didn’t come about/ wishing I had what he has/devastated by an unfortunate incident-letting misfortune bring about total breakdown are all too true situations harboring a depressing factor – tips hereunder might well restore the cheer quotient.
Grass is greener . . . . . , could be a mirage
Two young men hailed from the same town, graduated together and then joined service. Today Pran resides in an upscale villa and owns a chauffeur-driven luxury auto. Gopal lives in a modest rented apartment and his transport is a basic model four-wheeler. On occasions they happen to meet, Gopal is reminded of disparity in their life-styles. But unknown to Gopal, Pran is deeply buried in EMI / pay-later schemes and carries guilt of neglected family life (owing to office work pressure) , which combined tension has rendered him a high b.p. patient with attendant infirmities. Monetarily Gopal isn’t strapped with any pre-commitments, gets home at a decent hour and never misses the annual holiday with wife and children. Admittedly Pran’s status is impressive but peeping beyond the façade an onlooker would probably declare Gopal to be better off.
Comparing can be self-defeating
At end of financial year Shiv exceeded sales target by a good 28%. Nath’s territory showed least ‘outstanding dues’ in quarterly review. During ‘Business Projection’, Ravi’s presentation was adjudged superior. Mani, of above-average calibre, reproached himself for not making it to the top grade and, when repeated a third time, started suspecting his prowess. Having sown such doubt, it gradually undermined own worth. At any work-place there will be better performing individuals, which doesn’t mean one is incompetent or needs carry an inferiority complex. Letting the shine of others pale your own glow (qualities possessed ) could cause retreat into the shadows, reaching a point where a relatively intense flame may get extinguished altogether. For Mani the message is : not being among ‘rankers’ must act as spur to redouble efforts to gain proficiency ; an additional measure would be to identify a role –model and seek counsel on vexing issues.
Rather than envy, forge ahead
Lamenting ‘If only …………’ seeks a crutch and indicates lack of resolve to exert oneself. Nothing worthwhile is achieved without putting in labour. Mere sitting back and expecting things to work out satisfactorily is like waiting for a miracle – a wait that may stretch interminably. Undaunted by limited means and fired by a clear aim to realise (not satisfied with just yearning), is what example below illustrates.
The project (for retired personnel) comprised 2BHK houses, with foundation built for extending another room, garage and one more storey. Present accommodation was insufficient for Tara’s joint family, but her PF amount didn’t permit expense involved. Noticing neighbour begin construction, immediate thought that flashed was “Why can’t I afford? – lucky him”. She knew, of course, begrudging would yield no result. Pondering over the matter, she decided income could be generated through consultancy service. En-cashing on professional expertise, a few months into new vocation saw a financial base that would soon enable comfortable living in spacious accommodation. The following year she added a floor (portion thereof serving as consultancy chamber) and now backs herself to fulfill the next dream.
Criticizing and complaining are cheer spoilers
Nobody is perfect and some situations are less than perfect – accept this reality and life becomes easier to negotiate. Gossip about an acquaintance / relative or by nature dissatisfied with most things that happen, earns the person an ‘unsocial’ label and soon finds himself/herself unwelcome by company around. It is debatable criticising / complaining improves matters, but it does exhibit a mean streak / aggravate degree of fulfillment – one is an avoidable trait and other, unwanted baggage. Despite failings, each of us possess some redeeming feature — perceive this in others and his/her entire image transforms. Develop a tolerant perspective (neither fret over outcome contrary to anticipated) and occasions to gripe automatically reduce. If such be the unfolding, in a saner moment one obvious question arises: Why behave in a manner that deprives me of cheer?
Refuse to buckle under
A major setback (failed business deal that was fallout of personal inadequacy) or a cruel blow (death in family) is no doubt a shattering experience, inducing a mood ‘All is lost’. It is in such crisis the individual of fortitude summons inner strength to get along in life. To succumb when struck by adversity and, further, demean oneself to becoming an object of pity would be sinking to depths unlikely to rise from. Despondency must be shaken off and faith placed in ability to effect revival. Fate is regarded as something beyond one’s control but determinedly coping with that untoward event through effective steps, will steer towards better times. In face of such meet-the-challenge attitude, ‘God helps those who help themselves’ does truly transpire.
Good fortune is always welcome but life will have its share of disappointments/trials, in which circumstance resilience acts as saviour. Sustenance also comes from mental frame one has developed viz. of being reasonably content generally, as summed up in : For those material- worldly, success is getting what you want; for the detached and enlightened, happiness is wanting what you get.
By – H S Baral (Ex-Chief , Mktg. & Sales, Transmission Deptt., BHEL)
Photo Credits: Jess Lily
